Chapter 7
Desmond and Mpho Tutu, The Book of Forgiving: The Fourfold Path for Healing Ourselves and Our World
This text draws upon personal experience, political events, and the testimonies of others to make a case for the need for forgiveness in this world.
Tutu begins from two premises: there is nothing that cannot be forgiven and there is no one undeserving of forgiveness. These truths emanate from a more foundational truth: that we are all bound to each other,
Forgiveness is not forgetting nor is it a subversion of justice. It is a way to bring harm into the fierce light of truth.
There are four steps to true forgiveness: (1) tell your story to recover dignity; (2) name the hurt to be free from resentment and shame; (3) grant forgiveness; (4) renew the relationship, or release it.
Tutu also gives guidance on how to seek forgiveness without imposing oneself more upon the person who has been harmed, and also how to forgive oneself for the harm you may have perpetuated. He distinguishes between guilt (“I did bad”) and shame (“I am bad”). While the former keeps us in community, the latter locks us in isolation.
But what comes next?
I chose this text because I was curious about Tutu’s reflections on forgiveness in light of his work on the Truth and Reconciliation Commission investigating human rights violations in post-Apartheid South Africa. I was struck to find that Tutu largely referred to the evils of Apartheid in the past tense in this book.
The truth is that violence is not in the past and South African society is far from reconciled. But perhaps things could be worse. In trying to imagine a world otherwise—more healed, more just, more truly and deeply reconciled—it may be prudent to imagine a world otherwise: one bound exclusively to retaliatory violence, without the freedom to even imagine something so senseless as forgiveness.
